Pressing The Forward Button

Despite living on my own and having almost no physical contact for many weeks during the stay-at-home orders for my state, I found that I was doing remarkably well. I have no explanation for that other than I had already adjusted to a quiet, peaceful life. I still missed my routine and my people however.

Last week without warning, an utter dread came over me. It was like an ominous black cloud that wouldn’t lift despite sunny skies. In typical fashion for me, I had a chat with myself. ‘Self, what is your problem? You are not comfortable in your own skin.’ After prayer and meditation it didn’t take much to figure out what my issue was: dread of Mother’s Day.

I have made so many strides over the years since becoming unwittingly single and yet I had not reconciled myself to the events of that horrific Mother’s Day that is now many years out. In my mind I recount the events as though they were current events…the girlfriend he chose to spend the day with openly, mocking me, the obliteration of any acknowledgment of honoring me. Why do I do this every year? Why do I give any power to it?

As an additional and very important note, our daughter was born on Mother’s Day thirty-three years ago. This year she would be celebrating it on the actual day. For me, Mother’s Day is extra special on those years.

Due to the changes in life from Covid-19 we were doing things differently this year like everyone. Thankfully our state has opened up and we were going to be able to visit. My son had been so kind to send flowers and we enjoyed such a pleasant call, the best we can do for now. My daughter arrived with her family soon after for some of our traditions from the past as well as a few new ones. Gift shopping had been a challenge but these new times found us so very grateful just to spend time together.

As we caught up later about the day, I asked how the end of her day had gone when we went our separate ways. She shared that she asked her family to go inside the house without her so that she could have a moment to grieve. Her dad has chosen to break off all relationship with her and both of our grandchildren, forsaking them for a stepchild he acquired in his second marriage. No one begrudges him a relationship with the child but it is painful to understand how a father – your Daddy – puts your relationship with him to death. She did the emotionally healthy thing by acknowledging her loss, dealing with it and moving forward. I am so very proud of her.

The day made me so thankful that she and I, like you, share a heavenly Father who will never leave us nor forsake us. There is nothing you or I can ever do to make God turn away from us, leave us, or stop loving us. God’s love never fails. I don’t know who needs to hear this but I suspect many of you do. If you have been the recipient of complete rejection here on earth, it is not the end of your story. There is a heavenly Father who longs to have a relationship with you for forever. He is cheering you on. He believes in you. He is for you, He is not against you. He is faithful. The only question today is, what will you do with that? If you would like to know more and why I have this hope, let’s have a conversation.

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5 thoughts on “Pressing The Forward Button

  1. Kathy@the Barn May 13, 2020 at 4:42 pm Reply

    That’s beautiful

    Liked by 1 person

  2. writerwannabe763 May 14, 2020 at 11:11 pm Reply

    When I read about the dread of Mother’s Day I identified so much with that feeling…not for the same reason though. We have three children but one of them.. our daughter has such harsh feelings about me and has let me know… that no matter that two of my children don’t understand why she feels that way… and assure me that I am/was a good mother; somehow I still feel somehow I failed my daughter. She won’t let us talk about anything; she shuts me down and in fact for two years blocked me from being able to contact her. It cuts me to the core and rationalizing doesn’t deter these feelings. So each Mother’s day it just brings my failings to the surface…
    I understand that your reasons are different but for me understandable … Your daughter is very wise indeed to allow herself to grieve the hurt inside….. (Diane)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Overwhelmed By Joy May 15, 2020 at 11:36 am Reply

      Oh Diane…I cannot tell you how much it hurt my heart to read this. I think almost any mother would agree. Rejection and shame are such powerful tools that are difficult to overcome, especially when inflicted by those we love the most. My daughter and I actually went through a very difficult period following the divorce when she was asked initially by her father to choose a parent…and she chose him. I spent minutes, hours, days, weeks and months praying and crying over her like I am sure that you do. I often just texted to tell her that I loved her. Our story of reconciliation is one that only the Lord could have done, as we are both pretty stubborn! I know each day seems more impossible but don’t stop praying and showing kindness. The Lord longs to be gracious to you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • writerwannabe763 May 15, 2020 at 1:04 pm

        At the moment after being blocked for two years… with an occasional phone call from our daughter, I finally asked how she would feel if one of her sons did this to her, and she had no way of contacting them…. She relented when I promised not to revisit the past issues, and unblocked at least some contact. I pray for the time when true healing happens. I have never stopped loving her or praying… but I know things still aren’t what they should be… Thanks for your compassion in understanding. I’m so glad that you and your daughter have each other now ! Diane

        Liked by 1 person

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