As the days approached towards Christmas, my mood got darker and darker. One evening I was walking down the hall reflecting on years earlier. Was it reminiscing, or was I being controlled by my memories from the past? I saw my mother in the kitchen, baking and preparing a huge holiday dinner for our family. My dad, bellowing with his huge laugh that could be heard throughout the house. My grandmothers catching hugs and kisses. As I rounded the hallway, I became overcome with emotion. I miss it. I miss them. I miss so much…
I did what I always do. I gave myself a stern talking to. “Knock it off! Get over your pity party. There are plenty of people with a lot more grief at the holiday season than you.” I was missing my older brother, who had passed away just days before Christmas several years ago. Another family member very ill. “No, hold yourself together.” Instead of the commands for a fire – stop, drop, and roll – I created the mantra – stop, drop, and pray – when I’m in this place. I prayed.
Christmas approached with little glimmer of hope in sight. A custody battle in the family, and a former family member who refused to relinquish custody of said children on the required day. Suddenly I was several states away on Christmas Eve without access to anyone it seemed, except my husband who was making phone calls. I couldn’t reach my attorney or the necessary family members. A friend texted me to check on my status. I was brutally honest.
I want my mom. I want my dad. I want my family back. I want someone to take care of me. I am tired of taking care of everyone.
Out of my mouth and into God’s hands. He gently showed me a crisp, cold Christmas Eve that I was not the only person who probably felt alone that night. Mary would have wanted her own mother when she gave birth to Jesus. Instead, she was far from home with only her husband and some noisy animals. And God. God was there. Mary was not abandoned at all. Neither was I.
If you are feeling alone or abandoned, take heart dear reader. You are never alone. God is right beside you. Call on Him for help. He is waiting. Will you start out 2016 with God leading the way?