I’ve been very quiet on my blog this year. That was intentional. I was waiting. Waiting on God. What will happen? Where are we headed? What do I say, not say, to whom? You can’t rush God’s timing and I knew from the outset of this year that I needed Him. Oh, I would have said that most of my life. But this year I learned what it means to be
Desperate For God
That point in your life where you truly cannot make a decision, you have no Plan B, you have Him… And discover it’s the best place in the world to be.
I will offer some insight into the year, but we each have our own journey. January 9th, my beloved brother succumbed to the effects of cancer after a brief but ferocious battle. He was private about his health so it was never a part of this blog in words. The music I posted in 2015? Bedtime lullabies to get me to sleep as I prayed for him and his family from afar through my tears.
I was nearly inconsolable but did realize that my husband of 30 years – yea! – was experiencing some of his own physical issues. An odd barrage of symptoms that collectively did not make sense. No amount of pleading could get him to see his doctor. No one was more blindsided than me when he asked for a divorce in mid-April.
What happened next could only be imagined by a very good story writer or my worst enemy as things spiraled out of control.
I think I took my next breath in August and began to feel the air around me. It felt good to be out for lunch with my precious mother, time that I now treasured even more. It was not to last, as she experienced a setback with her own health issues.
So what have I learned? I am STILL overwhelmed by the joy that the Lord can bring despite some of the worst circumstances of life. My grandmother used to sing a song that began, “Count your blessings, name them one by one…” So that was my mission every day.
I was in a house with almost no income, all the bills, and the pantry was almost empty. At the lobby where my mother lives, they always have a fresh platter of cookies. I quickly learned to visit at lunchtime so my cookie was lunch nearly every day. I will always remember this time of provision of food!
I prayed immediately upon finding out the full picture of what I was facing. I said, “Lord, I don’t even know what I need! Help me to know what I need.” Immediately two words came to me: wisdom and discernment. They have been my guiding words. I needed to have someone girding me with prayer. Here is how I knew I had entrusted the right person – they were praying for my husband when they knew of his stronghold. Sin is messy but God’s grace and love can clean up any mess that has been made. It may look different afterwards, but it is so worth it.
The third thing I learned surprised me the most. People who don’t know your situation, or worse, choose to believe things completely contrary to your character may judge you. They may betray you. It may be those you least expect. Guess what? Yup, you get to forgive them. I said it. You get to forgive them! It is a choice but the only person you hurt if you don’t is yourself. That doesn’t mean you keep going back for more. Remember the words wisdom and discernment? Chances are good that the person (s) is dealing with their own issues. Show them the path that leads to the Lord. Is this natural or easy? By no means! I am writing this with plenty of experience from the year.
In the end, I have been shown the wheat and the tares that have been lovingly sifted through my Father’s hands. I look around and I am truly surrounded by people who love me, for who God made me to be. I am participating in sharing the Good News of Christ’s love with people every week. I have my needs supplied.
I can truly say it is well with my soul. It is Well – Bethel Music
What are some things you have learned during your biggest trials?